Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tales of a Wannabe Tyrant: Things I Don't Want to See When I Get Home

I live with two women, so maybe this goes without saying.  It is nearly impossible to maintain order in this household.  Many contributing factors lead to this chaos, not least among them our staggered schedules.  So, after repeated attempts at gentle persuasion (ok, maybe I shouldn't have used my charisma score as a dump-stat), it's time to step my game up.  If it were a one-time slip up, that would be one thing, but these are on the list of overly-repeated offenses.  So here it is, the list of things I have seen in the past 24 hours that make the list of Things I Don't Want to See When I Get Home (TM).

1. Unlocked front doors.  So what if there are two locks on the door, and you locked one?  There are two locks there for a reason.  Use them!

2. Shoes in the living room.  There are two places for shoes: on your feet, and in your bedroom (preferably in a designated area, such as your closet).  They do not belong in the common areas of the house!

3. Purses in the common areas.  See #2.
4. Dishes in the sink.  If you have enough time to get them dirty, you have enough time to rinse them, and get them in the dishwasher.

5. Half full glasses of various liquid in various places in the house.  In the library, in the bathroom, on the nightstand, on the entertainment center, on the end table, on the kitchen counter, on the kitchen island.  Yes, those are all examples from today.  Maybe we need a Glass Tracker (TM), so dishes can be kept up with?  Or maybe a dish check-out/check-in system?

6. Ripped open envelopes on the dining table.  You're not planning on keeping these, are you? Please find a home for these in the nearest trash receptacle/recycling bin.

7. Empty shipping packages on the kitchen island.  I know, you were excited that you got something in the mail.  But really, the kitchen island is actually farther from the front door than the trash can is!

8.  Underwear on the floor in the guest bathroom.  Our guests know we're uncouth, but that doesn't mean we should give them more ammo.

9. Flat irons, curling irons, hair dryers, etc. plugged into the outlets (occasionally in pairs!) in the guest bathroom.  Let's put our grooming products away, shall we?

10. Cords, cords, everywhere.  I'm sorry, but I hate seeing cords lying around.  I don't want to see Cat-5 cable running through the house, 1/8" stereo cables hanging out of kitchen cabinets, ipod cords hanging out of the entertainment center, or phone chargers in the common rooms, just waiting for someone (me) to trip on them.

That'll do for today.  We'll see if tomorrow improves any.

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